Heartbreak from a guy's perspective
by Nate Naversen
Over the last many years, I learned quite a lot as a single guy. I've had the opportunity to experience dating from both the perspective of joy and of heartbreak. C.S. Lewis made an insightful statement when he said, "God whispers to us through our pleasures, but shouts to us through our pain. Pain is God's megaphone to an otherwise deaf world." I believe that God teaches us a lot about himself through our heartbreak in dating. With that, I'll share with you what I believe He is trying to teach us about himself... from a guy's perspective.
To begin, I often hear my single girl friends talk about how the guys they know never ask them out. I think this is one of the big frustrations of many single women these days. I hear things like, "Where are the quality guys?" And, "Why am I not being asked out?" What they really mean in asking those questions are,"'Doesn't anyone think I'm beautiful? Doesn't anyone think I'm worth pursuing?" Heartbreaking, truly. It's the cry of every young lady's heart.
From a guy's perspective, things are different. We guys are the ones who are supposed to do the asking. But the situation isn't any easier for us. Since my youth I have been rejected many times by women I thought were just fantastic. At the opportune time, I would lay my heart on the line: I would tell her how much I liked her, how much fun I envisioned us having together. I would tell her how beautiful I thought she was and that I hoped we could become a couple.
Her response was often a cold, icy stare that said, "No thanks," without even saying a word. Without a second thought or consideration of me, the lady would inevitably respond as if to say, "You have nothing to offer me." And off she went, in pursuit of something else.
Don't get me wrong, I have had plenty of success and have dated many beautiful and wonderful women in the past. And so when situations like this came, it left me to ponder. After all, I really would have treated the lady like a queen. I recall thinking about all the wonderful and nice things I would have done to make them feel special as their boyfriend...things I know they would have appreciated had they only known what wonderful plans I had for them. I have a kind heart and I kept thinking to myself: 'If you only knew what you are missing. If you only knew how happy we could be together and how well I'd treat you.' Such are usually the thoughts of a rejected suitor, I suppose. That's what it feels like to be every guy in the world every once in a while. Sometimes there is joy in dating, and sometimes pain.
I think that God teaches us all sorts of things through our pain. In this case, God teaches us about the way he regards us. Did you know that all throughout the Bible, God's relationship to us is described as a romance? Again and again, God describes himself as the groom, and we His bride. He is the suitor in this relationship, and We are the one He is romancing.
The thought occurred to me: How often does God approach us lovingly, as a bachelor to a lady as if to say: "Will you give me your heart? I love you more than you can even know. I am good, and I will treat you well if you will just give your heart to me." Have you heard him whisper this to your heart? I have. So often, how many of us in our busy lives give the Father a chilly response: "I'm sorry, but you have nothing to offer me."
Perhaps God tries to teach us how it feels for Him when we reject Him, by allowing us guys to experience a very similar rejection? Throughout all of my heartache and all of those lonely nights, I learned that God really does wish to romance us and He has a wonderful plan for us. But we are lured away by the bad-boys in life, ones that will take us down life's wrong roads. We're lured away by power, by money, by success, pleasure, and all of those other things that distract us. And all the while there's the Father, speaking to you in a voice just softer than a whisper, coaxing you ... hoping one day you'll see that He truly is a great guy; that what He was to offer is more amazing than even your wildest dreams.
Those are my thoughts. Thanks for listening.